B4FV108: Rite of Intrusion
by Fifth Voyager
Summary: Danny, Ian, Lisa and Lee are selected to witness a strange alien ritual. Meanwhile most of the main cast get trapped in a fly-on-the-wall holodeck program Tom made


Rite of Intrusion  
**(Parts ****1**** & ****2****)**

**Disclaimer**  
(See also O, FV & KT Disclaimers)  
The main plot of this episode was inspired by a fanfic with the same name, which was written by Jackee, Emily and Christina (I've still got the fanfic on my computer). The sub plot of this episode was inspired by Big Brother, and the SMTV Live skit Big Bother

**Episode Synopsis**  
Danny, Ian, Lisa and Lee are selected to witness a strange alien ritual. Meanwhile most of the main cast get trapped in a fly-on-the-wall holodeck program Tom made. 

****   
**Guest Stars**  
Marill  
Vulpix  
Myleene Klass _as the dumb __housemate_  
Calista Flockhart_ as Kiga_  
Arnold Vosloo _as Li__ru_  
The woman who hosted Big Brother _as __Lady Big Bully_

****   
**Written By**  
Marill & Vulpix

**Written**  
7th September 2002

**Episode Based In**  
December 2370 (early season 1) 

**Last time on B4 Fifth Voyager**  
"Well I thought we could set up a bookies, and use the camera's to you know.." Tom replied.

"Sounds a bit of a sad bet to me," Harry muttered.

"Yeah well some people may be just a little desperate to win some rations, you know how bad Neelix's cooking is," Tom said.

**  
"So, the last guy. He's the one we captured last. He's in disguise at the moment," Vulpix said.

"Ok, who is he then?" Marill asked.

"I will kill you all, you lot first.. you have corrupted my mind with your series! I used to be the most feared guy in the world, now everyone thinks I am a nutcase," the guy rambled on. Vulpix pulled his mask and wig off to reveal... Osama Bin Laden!!

"My plans for world domination were plotted out before I read your god forsaken series," Osama said. "First I took away your Cherry Coke, and replaced it with Diet Coke with Lemon. Now I will take away the rest of your sanity. You have not seen the last of me... bwahahahaha!" Osama laughed.

"I shall leave in my spaceship now, bye all," Osama quickly replied.

**  
Vulpix looked nervous as Marill clicked on one of the links. "Hey what's this?"

The screen changed to show a dark website, showing a screenshot of the Fifth Voyager site. The picture turned into a fire picture. Some writing appeared at the top. The writing said "T.F.V.D.A, The Fifth Voyager Destruction Association. trying to bring down Fifth Voyager for the good of human sanity since February 2002."

"Since February 2002? Don't you get it Marill, wasn't that when Cherry Coke started to disappear?" Vulpix asked.

**  
"I know, the main point here is, is that she knows about.. you know. The incident the other day," Jessie replied quietly.

"Did she see through the camera too, cos if she saw us in person how come we didn't hear her laughing or something," James said.

"So Janeway caught them making out via the camera, perfect," Tom said.

"How do you know they did that?" Harry asked.

"Easy, Danny told me that she saw them," Tom replied.

"You're just going to show any old person some footage of two people's private conversation," Harry said in disbelief.

"Yes well two people betted that they were a couple, I got proof, I pay up," Tom said.

**  
"Never better. Now do you want to go to my quarters? We could make out," Lisa asked and she winked at Craig.

"Well Lisa has got a small virus. It is responsible for her flirty behaviour," the Doctor said.

"Does it do something to her eyes or something?" Claire asked.

"No, it seems to target several hormones, causing her to well flirt. Why she chose Mr Anderson is a mystery," the Doctor replied.

Claire walked over to stand beside Lee. "Has anyone ever told you how cute you are?"

"Oh dear, Claire must of got infected when she forced Lisa into the main part of Sickbay," the Doctor said.

**  
"It's just I found out by accident, and you were trying to force out who my boyfriend is, it didn't seem fair to me," Danny said.

"Speaking of which, how is Tom?" James asked.

Danny stared at him, and she looked nervous. "Tom? What are you talking about... he's not my boyfriend. Yeah I'm just going out with him for.. you know a laugh. That's it."

"Why Tom? You barely know him," Jessie asked.

"He's a funny guy, I just wanted some company. He isn't my boyfriend, so cut me some slack," Danny replied.

"Remember my first serious boyfriend at college, Ian getting too overprotective when he dumped me... remember?" Danny replied.

"And when Ian fails to do the right kind of damage, like with your first serious boyfriend, James'll have to take over," Jessie said.

"Hey I like the sound of this," James said, and he grinned.

"James, what's it with you and Tom anyway?" Danny asked angrily.

James shrugged, "I dunno, I just don't like him."

**  
To Ian's surprise Danny smiled. "Hmm.. you jealous?"

"Don't be stupid, you're a bossy disgusting little witch," Ian replied.

"You're jealous. Good thing I was just using Tom to get your attention. I guess it worked," Danny said in a flirty voice.

Ian's eyes widened. "Oh my god, you've got that virus."

**  
Lee came on the monitor screen, while Kes tried to sedate Claire again. "Erm.. I ate some of Neelix's chocolate. I was kinda hungry."

Everyone glanced towards Neelix. He looked rather nervous. "Those were my experimental chocolate bars, no one was suppose to eat them."

"What was in it?" Kathryn asked.

"Cocoa, milk, sugar, Leola root.." Neelix replied.

Lee looked rather pale, he disappeared from monitor view. Everyone heard him throwing up.

"And several Talaxian herbs," Neelix said.

"I think that B'Elanna is already infected," Chakotay said nervously.

"Er.. why?" Kathryn asked.

B'Elanna suddenly climbed onto Chakotay's knee, she started stroking his arm. "Hi big guy, what are you doing after the meeting?"

B'Elanna growled at Kathryn, she hit her hard in the arm. "He's mine, keep your hands off..." She dematerilised.

Chakotay sighed in relief. Then he seemed rather nervous. "Ohno, B'Elanna hit the Captain." He slowly turned his head towards Kathryn. She was giving him flirty looks. She suddenly jumped onto his knee too. She put her arms around his neck.

**  
Kes noticed Tom had come into the room, she rushed over to Tom. "Hi cutey," she said.

**  
"Hi Jamesy, I was just on my way to dump Tommy... do you want to be my rebound boyfriend?" Danny asked in a flirty voice.

James' eyes widened and he continued towards the Mess Hall. Danny followed him.

As soon as James stepped inside the Mess Hall, someone pushed him into the wall. Whoever it was kissed him briefly, she started stroking his arm. That girl was in fact Jessie. "Hi lover," she whispered.

"You've already got a boyfriend, so keep your hands off mine!" Jessie screamed.

"You don't deserve him, he's mine!" Danny yelled.

"I never thought I'd see it, Jessie and Danny fighting over James," Tom said.

"Shut up Tom before I stick my fist down your throat," James muttered as he handed the chocolate to the Doctor.

Kes came over to Tom, "you leave my Tommy-wommy alone."

**  
"Do you remember what you did during the illness?" Tom asked.

"I'm trying to forget, I made a complete a** of myself," Danny replied.

"You went after Ian and James for god's sake. You said you hated Ian," Tom said.

"What are you on about?" Danny asked.

"Danny, I can't continue going out with you if it's not going anywhere, or if you have a thing for two of your college buddies," Tom replied.

"So.. you're dumping me? That's fine," Danny said.

"I'd better go," Tom said.

"Yeah you'd better, I don't care .. you were just some company I had that's all," Danny said.

Tom left the room. Danny just stood watching the door, she broke down in tears as she sat down on her sofa.

**And now the conclusion**  
**James/Jessie's Quarters:**  
Jessie went over to the main door, still wearing night wear. She opened it to reveal Harry.

"Hi, I didn't wake you up, did I?" Harry asked.

"Yes actually, what do you want?" Jessie asked.

"Well I'm here on your behalf actually. Tom managed to hack into the security camera system a month back. To make a long story short, he was eaves dropping on one of your conversations. He's going to give it to several people as proof of a bet they made. I convinced him to just think about it first, but he's made his mind up," Harry said.

"Really? What did they bet on?" Jessie asked.

"Well erm, some sad people bet on people as couples.. you know. Some twits betted that you and James were a couple," Harry replied.

"Oh... I see. Which conversation?" Jessie asked.

"You know, I think I should come back in the morning," Harry muttered.

"No, just tell me," Jessie said.

"I didn't really listen that much, one of you mentioned that Danny knew about some incident, and James mentioned something later about Janeway seeing it through the camera systems," Harry said.

"Oh crap, Tom heard that conversation?" Jessie asked.

"Most of it, he must think the incident you mentioned is proof," Harry replied.

"Well the incident I mentioned was pretty embarrassing, but it's not what either you or Tom think," Jessie said.

"But if Tom got a hold of the footage that Janeway saw, it wouldn't prove that you're a couple right?" Harry asked.

"Hell no. He isn't really going to check that camera, I don't want him to see it," Jessie replied.

"He was thinking of backing up the first camera footage with it," Harry said.

"I'd better delete it before he looks or I'll be the laughing stock," Jessie said.

"Tom has another password on it so no one else starts a bookies. You'll need to hack into it," Harry said.

"I can't hack, but James can," Jessie said. She headed towards one of the bedrooms. Harry sighed and he followed her.

"Now?" Harry said questioningly.

"Of course, the earlier the better," Jessie said. Harry waited at the doorway while Jessie went over to the bed. She sat next to a large lump under the covers. She started shaking it, but it didn't move. "Oh great, this'll take a while," she muttered.

"Here let me try," Harry said. He walked over to the bed side. "Wake up or you're officially gay!" Harry yelled. The lump suddenly moved, the top of the cover was pushed over as James emerged from the covers.

"Hey, what's going on?" James asked.

"Nice touch," Jessie said.

"Thanks," Harry said.

"What's Harry doing here?" James asked.

"He's just told me what Tom's been upto, we have to do some hacking," Jessie replied.

"Hacking, for what?" James asked.

"Never mind, where's the nearest computer?" Harry asked. James pointed at one of the mess piles. "Ok, second nearest."

**The next day, Tom's Quarters:**  
Tom was talking to two angry unknown crewmembers.

"Look, I'll have the proof in a second. I've just gotten on my break I haven't had time," Tom said.

"Well you'd better hurry up, Neelix will be serving his Leola Root stew in a few minutes," one crewmember said.

Tom nodded, he sat down on the sofa and pulled his computer over to him. He started working on it. A puzzled look came on his face. "Oh crap, it's gone."

"What do you mean?" the other crewmember asked.

"Someone's deleted it, something else is in it's place," Tom said. He opened the different camera footage.

_The camera focused on the Doctor and Kes in Sickbay. They were working on two different computers._

_"So how are you doing with your seperate patient treatments Kes?" the Doctor asked._

_"Very well Doctor. Yesterday I treated a wedgie," Kes replied._

_"Really? How?" the Doctor asked._

_"I just gave Mr Paris a lot of painkillers," Kes replied._

Tom blushed crimson red as the two crewmembers started sniggering. "Did she have to tell him that?" he muttered.

_"How much painkillers, you can't give humans too much?" the Doctor asked._

_"Ooops, is 2000mg too much?" Kes asked._

_The camera went fuzzy, and it focused on Tom and some mystery girl in the corridor._

_"I said to the confess guy in the church, I'm a sinner. He said tell me your sins. I said that I've had too many girlfriends at the same time. It's not my fault I'm so god damn good looking. So erm, do you want to go out some time?" Tom was saying. The girl rolled her eyes and kneed him square in the balls._

Tom turned off the computer, his face still crimson red. "How did they know I'd look at the footage?"

"Tom, why do I get the feeling you didn't have any proof in the first place," the first crewman said.

"Oh come on, why would I put on embarrassing footage?" Tom asked.

"So you'd look innocent of course. Have a nice day," the second crewman said. Both crewman left the room.

Tom sat down, after several minutes of racking his brains he came up with an idea.

**The Bridge:**  
The usual people were at their usual places. However something was horribly wrong.

Chakotay glanced to his right where Kathryn was sitting. She had somehow got a hold of a mobile phone.

"Yes, and I want coffee pizza with extra coffee on it. Make that triple... don't tell me it's not safe, mister! Oh yes and I want some coffee flavoured wine," Kathryn said.

"Captain?" Harry said loudly to get some attention.

"I'm on the phone! Sorry about that, yes I'd like that free pizza. I want some coffee on that too," Kathryn said.

"What is it Harry?" Chakotay groaned.

"That planet we're orbiting is hailing us," Harry said.

"What planet?" Chakotay asked.

"I dunno, all I know is that we're in orbit of it," Harry replied.

Tom turned around. "Oops, sorry about that. I wasn't paying attention before. Should I take us away?"

"No it would be impolite to ignore that planets hail, I mean it obviously has some part in the plot, right?" Chakotay said questioningly.

"Ah, so that's the button I pressed when I wasn't paying attention. I thought I pressed the 'bring us closer' button," Tom said as he turned back around.

"Yes I want some coffee flavoured curry sauce with that! Of course it'll work!" Kathryn yelled down the phone.

"I'd better be the one to talk to them," Chakotay said.

The viewscreen changed to show two aliens who looked like Humans, yes the budget is a bit low today. The woman looked like she hadn't ate in weeks, the guy had an evil looking face, plus he was bald.

"Greetings, my name is Liru. Welcome to our homeworld," the bald guy said.

"Thanks, Liru. I am Commander Chakotay of the Starship Voyager," Chakotay said.

"That's the address and I'm sticking to it mister! Yes it's Voyager, that's it! No I'm not a citizen of your planet! Hello? Hey, he hung up," Kathryn said. She threw the mobile phone over her shoulder, it hit and killed an innocent gold shirt.

Chakotay looked rather nervous, "er, what are we suppose to do at this planet anyway?"

"I have an idea. Why don't we kidnap some of your crew to perform our wedding rites," the woman said.

Chakotay shrugged. "Meh, that's fine. Just don't take those two." He pointed at Jessie and James. They looked at him, all confused. They both shrugged and continued with their thrilling game of Risk.

"Ok, that's fine. Which two characters should we kidnap?" the woman asked.

Neelix and Kes came onto the Bridge. "Hi people, anything interesting happening?" Neelix asked.

"Hmm, what about them? They haven't been in much," Chakotay asked.

"Neelix," Liru growled.

"Huh? Oh Lulu," Neelix growled.

"It's Liru and you know it!" Liru exclaimed.

"Uh, you two know each other?" Tom said.

"Know each other? We're bitter enemies," Neelix said.

"What happened?" Harry asked.

"He tied me up and tried to perform the Hom Di on me. Plus he has more hair than me," Liru replied.

"Oh yeah? Well everyone has more hair than you," Neelix said.

"Hom Di?" Chakotay questioned.

"Some immortal curse thingy," Liru said.

"Yeah well you deserved it. You're bald!" Neelix yelled.

"That's not my fault!" Liru yelled back.

"Hey that hologram in Sickbay is bald ain't he?" Kathryn asked.

"Oh yeah," Neelix muttered. He ran into the turbolift. Kes rolled her eyes.

"This is so illogical," Tuvok said, it's probably his only line after all.

In: "Sickbay to Bridge. Can you please ask Mr Neelix to stop fiddling with my program. Oh my god, a tutu! Isn't that going a bit too far?"

"This I gotta see," Tom giggled and he ran out.

"Liru, I think we should get back to the kidnapping bit," the woman said.

"Oh yes, Kiga. You don't think me being bald is a bad thing right?" Liru asked.

Kiga sighed. "Can we please just kidnap two men and two women. Preferably ones that don't bully my fiancée."

"Why don't we just choose two of the shippings?" Chakotay asked.

"Good idea. What about Danny and Ian?" Kathryn asked.

"They hate each other," Chakotay muttered in response.

"Yeah, so?" Kathryn said questioningly.

"Whatever. What about Lee and Lisa?" Chakotay asked.

"Lee? Oh come on, everyone knows that he's gay," Jessie said.

"He is? Then which ship are we talking about here?" James asked.

"The Ian/Lee shipping," Jessie replied.

"What about Lisa then?" James asked.

"Stop asking stupid questions. Everyone knows that she has a ship with every male character on the main cast, gay or not," Jessie replied.

"Did you get that honey? Danny, Ian, Lee and Lisa," Kiga said. Jiru nodded as he fiddled with a script.

"Okeydokey, lets kidnap these suckers. Oh and you're all invited to the wedding, it's in two days. Bye," Jiru said. The viewscreen went off.

"Oh my god!" Harry exclaimed.

"What?" Kathryn asked.

"Those creeps have just beamed Danny, Ian, Lee and Lisa to the planet surface," Harry replied.

"What? That was unexpected," Kathryn said.

"We'd better make up some technobabble to get them back," Chakotay said.

"Er... we can still beam them back," Harry said.

"Oh. Why don't we waste our time in a useless and insane subplot instead?" Chakotay asked. Everyone cheered in agreement.

Tom came back onto the Bridge. "You want a subplot, I got one."

End of Part I  
  


* * *

Part II

**The planet:**  
Danny, Lisa, Ian and Lee found themselves in a posh living room. Jiru and Kiga came in through one of the doors.

"Welcome to ... er, what bizarre planet name is it this time?" Jiru asked.

"Kikiliana," Kiga replied.

"Meh, I heard worse," Jiru said.

"Anyway, you four have been chosen to perform the rites for our wedding," Kiga said.

"What are rites?" Danny asked.

"Just the posh word for tasks, there are three tasks for you all to perform before the wedding. It blesses the marriage," Kiga replied.

"Sounds pretty boring," Lee said.

"It is, usually," Kiga said.

"Why do you think the writers have drank orange juice and Cherry Coke again?" Jiru asked.

"Oh god no," the four crewmembers moaned.

"What do Asda put in that orange juice anyway?" Ian asked.

"God knows, rumour has it that the juicy bits are actually drug pieces that have softened up," Lisa replied.

"Ok the first task is the most hardest one of all.." Kiga said.

"Aren't you suppose to leave the hardest one for last?" Danny asked.

"Nah, no fun that way," Kiga replied.

"So what is it, or shouldn't I have asked that?" Lee asked.

"Jiru, if you please," Kiga said.

Jiru smiled in a true evil fashion. He pulled out a bucket from behind his back.

"What, we have to wear that on our heads?" Ian asked. Danny smacked him.

"Don't be dumb!" she yelled.

"You have to have this oil on any exposed skin for the second task. It makes the second task more fun, like I said earlier," Kiga said.

"That's it? That's the hardest task. God this'll be easy," Danny said.

"No no, you don't get it do you. Someone has to rub it on you," Jiru said.

"Ohno, I should of seen that coming," Ian muttered.

"Yep, you should of. Split into two's, Danny and Ian, Lisa and Lee," Kiga said.

"Ok, I'll pair with Ian," Danny said as she stood next to Lee. Ian quickly caught on, he went over to Lisa.

"Do you think we're stupid or something?" Jiru muttered.

"Yes," the four crewmembers replied.

"Well we are, but we're not falling for that one," Kiga said.

"Damn, this isn't fair," Danny moaned.

**Meanwhile on Voyager, Holodeck 2:**  
The rest of the main cast were all standing in a group, while Tom was standing in front of them talking.

"Right, not all of you will take part in this. Also I've let one unknown crewmember join us," Tom said.

Everyone looked to the left, they saw a slutty looking girl standing by the wall. She was chewing her hair while staring at her fingers. Everyone looked back at Tom.

Tom pulled out a PADD. "Ok the crewmembers who'll be in House Number 1 are; B'Elanna, Jessie, James, Kes and the unknown crewmember."

B'Elanna, Jessie, James and Kes looked rather scared as they turned to the unknown crewmember. She looked up and grinned at them.

"Hey wait a minute, why am I the only guy in that house?" James asked.

Tom shrugged. "I dunno, just felt like it. Anyway, the crewmembers who'll be in House Number 2 are; Tuvok, Claire, Faye, Janeway and Neelix."

"Oh god," Lisa and Claire muttered as they looked in Janeway's direction.

"Right the rules are, one crewmember will get evicted from both houses every five hours, and so on. The ones in the houses will vote who they want out. Eventually only two will be left in each house. When that happens the crew will vote for their favourite, this game will have two winners that way," Tom said.

"Isn't this just a sad popularity contest?" B'Elanna asked.

"Er... yes of course it is," Tom replied. He looked at his PADD again. "Ok, I think we should get started."

"Can't Kes be in the same house as me?" Neelix asked.

"No sorry," Tom replied.

**The planet:**  
"You know I really think we should of kidnapped those crewmembers they didn't want us to take," Kiga said.

"Nonsense, everything's running smoothly," Jiru said.

"You want some oil on your face, here!" Danny yelled, she splashed a huge wave of oil in Ian's face.

"Oh yeah, two can play at that game!" Ian yelled back. He did the same, some oil went into Danny's mouth. She coughed, then she perked up.

"Hmm, this is quite nice actually," Danny said.

"Is it our turn yet?" Lisa asked.

"I think so," Lee replied.

"Ok," Lisa said, she pushed Lee's face into the bucket.

"Jiru, the only thing that's running smoothly is your head," Kiga said.

"In all fairness, we don't need this rite do we," Jiru said.

"Yeah we do, doesn't matter they've got plenty oil on them now," Kiga said. She clapped her hands to get everyone's attention. Lisa didn't let go of Lee, he was trying to push his head out of the oil.

"Lisa, we need four people, not three," Jiru said.

Lisa looked down at Lee, she giggled nervously. "Oh, sorry." She let go, Lee pushed his head out of the oil.

"My whole life flashed before my eyes.... or maybe it was just an hallucination," Lee said while trying to catch his breath.

"Right, the next rite is the drinking rite. Come with me," Kiga said. She and Jiru went out of the room, the others followed them.

**Holodeck 1, aka Big Bully House 1:**  
A woman's voice came over the house's speakers. "Can B'Elanna please report to the Diary Room."

B'Elanna climbed off the sofa, she rushed into one of the rooms.

"You know I read that if you isolate a guy with a few girls they start turning sissy," Kes said.

"Don't be stupid, James only hung around with me and Danny back in Comprehensive school and he didn't turn sissy," Jessie said.

James ran into the main room. "Jessie, there's a spider in the bedroom."

"Told ya," Kes said quietly.

"Nah, he's always been afraid of spiders," Jessie said. She stood up. "I can't go in there, that's the guy's bedroom."

"But Jessie... only I stay in there," James moaned.

"Oh fine, it better not be a big spider," Jessie groaned. She went into one of the bedrooms, while James stayed outside.

"So, how big is the spider?" Kes asked.

"Very big," James replied.

Both of them looked the bedroom way when they heard a girl screaming. Jessie came out a few seconds later, looking rather calm.

"It's gone," Jessie said.

"Hmm, it mustn't like loud noises," Kes muttered.

"Thanks Jess," James said. He briefly hugged Jessie before going back in the bedroom.

**The Diary Room:**  
B'Elanna was sitting in a large comfy chair. "James has only been in the house for five hours and he's already annoying me."

"Uh huh. So do you want to vote him off?" the woman's voice asked.

"No Lady Big Bully, I want to vote off .... who else is in the house?" B'Elanna asked.

"Jessie, Kes and the unknown crewmember," Lady Big Bully replied.

"Ok. I vote James out," B'Elanna said.

"Thank you, you can go," Lady Big Bully said.

B'Elanna left the room, she sat down next to Kes.

"Can Jessie please come to the Diary Room," Lady Big Bully said.

Both Jessie and the unknown crewmember stood up. "You're not called Jessie."

"Yes I am," the unknown crewmember said.

"Well I'm called Jessie, she asked for me," Jessie said.

The unknown crewmember gasped. She went over to stand in front of Jessie. "Wow, this mirror talks."

"What? I'm not a mirror, I look nothing like you," Jessie said.

"Oh I get it. You're my twin sister. And people say I'm too dumb," the unknown crewmember said. She went into the Diary Room. Jessie groaned.

**The Diary Room:**  
The unknown crewmember sat in the chair. "Hi!"

"Who do you want voted off?" Lady Big Bully asked.

"Oooh, the wall just talked!" the unknown crewmember squealed.

"Who do you not like in the house?" Lady Big Bully asked.

"Um well. Kes is too quiet, B'Elanna keeps giving me horrible looks, my twin sister's nice, that guy is really cute," the unknown crewmember replied.

"So Kes or B'Elanna?" Lady Big Bully asked.

"What about them?" the unknown crewmember asked. Lady Big Bully groaned.

**The neighbouring Diary Room:**  
"Claire, who do you vote out?" Lady Big Bully 2 asked.

"Neelix, he keeps hitting on me and calling me Kes," Claire replied. She left the room, a few seconds later Faye came in.

"Who do you vote out?" Lady Big Bully 2 asked.

"Neelix, he tried to chat me up earlier. He also said I was too tall to be Kes," Faye replied. She left the room, afterwards Kathryn came in.

"Who do you vote out?" Lady Big Bully 2 asked.

"Myself, I really need a coffee," Kathryn replied.

"You have to vote somebody else out," Lady Big Bully said.

"Oh, then Neelix. He keeps comparing my hair to Kes', plus he makes awful coffee," Kathryn said. She left, then Tuvok came in.

"I vote for Mr Neelix because he tried to hit on me in private, he said I had nice ears like Kes," Tuvok said. He left the room, Neelix came in.

"I vote for myself because I tried to hit on my reflection," Neelix said. He left the room.

"You're suppose to vote for... oh never mind. Neelix you have been evicted from Big Bully House 2, please leave," Lady Big Bully 2 said.

**The planet:**  
The four crewmembers went into a room with four beds. Jiru and Kiga followed them in.

"This will be where you'll be staying tonight," Kiga said.

"We'll see you all at the wedding," Jiru said. He and Kiga left the room.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to have them share a room for a whole night?" Kiga asked.

"Nope," Jiru replied.

"Ok," Kiga said. She and Jiru walked away.

"I don't know what was in that drink, I feel like I can stay awake for days," Lee said.

"Oh shut up, you really do my head in!" Lisa screamed.

Danny and Ian started giggling like crazies. "Want to have a pillow fight?" Danny asked.

"Yeah!" Ian yelled. He picked up a pillow, so did Danny, they both started fighting.

**Voyager, the next day****:**  
The only ones left in House 1 were Jessie and her 'twin sister'. In House 2 there was only Faye and Kathryn left.

"The crew have voted. The winner of Big Bully House Number 1 is........ the unknown crewmember!" Lady Big Bully yelled.

"What? That's not fair!" Jessie exclaimed.

"I know, thanks for being so nice about it. You're a good winner," the unknown crewmember said.

Lady Big Bully sighed, "I meant Jessie."

"Oooh, I won!" the unknown crewmember yelled.

"The winner of Big Bully House Number 2 is........ Janeway!" Lady Big Bully yelled.

"What? More people voted for Janeway?" Faye said questioningly.

"Who cares, it's not like I'll win anything good anyway," Kathryn said.

"Both winners will get a years supply of coffee!" Lady Big Bully yelled.

Kathryn fell onto the floor, she started giggling madly. Meanwhile Jessie didn't look bothered anymore.

"I don't really like coffee anyway," Jessie muttered.

"Could this day get any better?" Kathryn asked.

In: "Chakotay to Janeway. You've just got a delivery from that planet you called yesterday, it wreaks of coffee."

"Oh, this is heaven," Kathryn said. She ran out of the house.

**The planet:**  
Kiga and Jiru's wedding was taking place in a really posh looking church. Quite a lot of the Voyager crew were there. Lisa, Danny, Ian and Lee were standing nearby holding candles.

"This is boring," Lisa moaned.

"Shh... this episode has to be serious some time," Lee whispered.

"And this episode has to finish some time too," Marill's voice said.

"Well this is a stupid place to end it, isn't it?" Vulpix's voice said.

"No it isn't, this is a silly episode, it should end just when it turns serious," Marill's voice said.

"Good point," Vulpix's voice said.

Kiga and Jiru were just about to do their version of the vows part when the screen faded out.

***********  
**How did Janeway get a hold of a mobile phone? Is there such a thing as coffee pizza? What does Neelix have against bald guys? Why did Neelix try to hit on everyone in the house? How big was that spider? And how did Tom get a wedgie anyway?**  
**Find out the answers to most of these questions in the next installment of B4 Fifth Voyager!**  


***********

******THE END******

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